Two-Hand Blessing

Two years have passed. Am I ok? Not really.
We're both still here. Different now, since mahasamadhi.
Beloved Amy 8/30/74 - 1/26/15
 
Still recalling that first moment:
Oh...There you are!...You're right here on Earth, and right now!
You came...You heard the prayers...You noted the surrendering!
Spontaneously, each put their hands together in
two-hand blessing, but there is no word "Nam..."
There can be no word or words. Only perfection and awe.
"I see you" passes from one to the other, and again.
They have no clue of what should follow.
How many lifetimes?....and now arriving at uncharted territory.
We heard tell of this, in ancient legends.
Oh yes, the love itself makes its own way, with no mind.
Later she writes "who is this I and you....when love is speaking it is love speaking of itself to itself". And "how we witness unimaginable magic disguised as ordinary".

The always-wordless two-hand blessing gesture forever became one of vastly greater meaning (infinitely beyond "I salute..."):
In this stunned silence, heads bowed but eyes locked, we together hold this timelessness out of time, and remember all that is and ever will be, in this moment of eternal recognition of inseparability and infinite momentous grace of awaited shared presence, and our hearts expand in excruciating joy to encompass all the universes. This simple hand mudra initiated first waking moments of every day thereafter, followed by hands touching feet, tears falling.
 
 Dearly Beloved Holy Angel, Eternal Soul Mate, brightening all time and space - know all who love you have come together in your honor and affirm their love on this holy day, and blessedly continue to support me through these difficult hours and 730 days. We gather in spirit and celebrate the many wondrous love-teachings you brought to we relatives in this plane of our/your Mother Earth.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And, Her blessing me with the gift of being seen, shortly after meeting -


"owl man snake handler
‘oh,shit!’ and goddammit!
hopi shifting into old chinese
he is walking
an astrologer an animal talker
a graceful stone vast
thin dry bones he is solid tender
his every-colored eyes flash deep
he is true from where we are from
at home everywhere and nowhere
holding me in steady presence
every breath aware and honoring
watching, adoring, accepting
invisibly when he shows up the room
elevates, why does who not see? he is
asking tracking conspiracies and flaws
animal gatherings preserving what is
love-space he is a love-space being
he makes pancakes for us and feeds
birds always himself a man-woman
child-star he’s the deep red jewel burned
repeatedly each time coming through shinier
he’s weary ever-hopeful he’s the space
the boat cradles tossed by waves ever-held
by the dark arms of the universe he’s the tapping
drumming rhythm pulsing under through
the pulse of contact raindrops dancing
he is pure appreciation for what is true
he rants anger erupts mountains of love
ever-hoping, he is the metals the density
the interest in what is alive he is stunned by what
is not
he is the dense dark silence of circling
relating the spinning rhythm of orbit"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Offering this gift of music, recently performed at the premier institution for

North Indian Classical Music:

Time Collapses Into Itself

In the time before this time
when intimate connection with all
was all there was,
embedded in an infinite matrix
of change and transformation,
married eternally to that
and constantly bowing in
love with the passing of seconds
with every light particle
of the mysterious beingness
of one's physicality,
bursting forth unimagined treasures
just to keep up with the downpouring
of divine grace intended to flow
through hands to the world-altar
container of love and oneness
with no beginning or end
condensed into a form
of unconditionally loving femininity
appearing before one's eyes,
….and giving it no mind, only awe

This is how I grew younger
and older, in each moment
filling up with more life-force
the more it was spent
and we sang Mirabai's words
of assurance that no thief
could ever steal this treasure
and we cried at our inability
to adequately describe this love.

And now
time collapses into itself
all memory being present
in every moment
encompassing a lifetime
all joy and ecstasy once lived
shadowed over,
the treasure-house looted,
the young man can't be found,
and the moment of separation
re-creates itself as if
there is no other reality
other than this devastation
of the world 

This 'I' is not alone, separate
sorrowing at the soullessness
of make-believe child's play,
the narcissism of sacred business
in a world we allow to die
We know in our hearts
an immense beauty
is so close we can taste it
and every blade of grass,
every star and galaxy
shines with holy fire
in its desire to witness
our collective remembrance
of the truth of our eternal
and immortal oneness.

I just know there's no way
I can do this
with the feeling of separateness
and aloneness that spreads
through countless moments,
days and months
I could just surrender it up
since she showed me
so clearly, and beautifully
how it's done
This is how it appears
in every fleeting present now
as if there's a choice offered
and everything is at stake

Crazier Than Hell

John recorded this in 2010, 31 years after his unimaginable loss.
I can't even begin to say how powerfully this has affected me today.
Every single word is perfect. Yeah, THIRTY-ONE YEARS.
For me, there is no poet on Earth like this man.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gB0IipdYA-E

 

Lyrics (my transcription):

Feeling crazier than hell
Got this time on my hands
I got you on my mind
And nowhere else to go
The fires burn hot and cold
That's some place in between the melt and the freeze
This need for reaching for you
You were all I could be
Now I'm here where I'm alone
We were one, now I'm a ghost
Falling from my place in the Sun
This dizzy is out of control
The world keeps spinning
I heard a vibrating echoing
Sounded they lost one of you
Amongst the truths I sought
You were the one I found
Now I need the remembering
The memories of you holding my hand
Remembrances of laughter, singing
Songing the nights with belonging
Sweetness the shelter of each other
Reality, the reality of safe, peace
With all these times of missing you
I'm not going to love these days without you to hold my hand
Feeling crazier than hell
This crazy just goes on and on
And this confusion of me
Crazy together or crazy apart
When crazy is crazy, it's not always in our heads
Sometimes it's in our hearts

This man knows Love, and always, like now, I never cease crying from
his words. I can barely type these lines.....   

 

       

Kindness

Taken last night by my Beloved's friend on Oregon coast

"Kindness"

by Naomi Shihab Nye

Before you know what kindness really is

you must lose things,

feel the future dissolve in a moment

like salt in a weakened broth.

what you held in your hand,

what you counted and carefully saved,

all this must go so you know

how desolate the landscape can be

between the regions of kindness.

How you ride and ride

thinking the bus will never stop,

the passengers eating maize and chicken

will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,

you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho

lies dead by the side of the road.

You must see how this could be you,

how he too was someone

who journeyed through the night with plans

and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,

You must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.

You must wake up with sorrow.

You must speak to it till your voice

catches the thread of all sorrows

and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,

only kindness that ties your shoes

and sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread,

only kindness that raises its head

from the crowd of the world to say

It is I you have been looking for,

and then goes with you everywhere

like a shadow or a friend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanking everyone for their kind thoughts  and prayers. These are the only things holding me up in this time. 

Also, as my bro, Sanjay, says - my drum is my life raft. I played for the community on Shivaratri night for 4 hours. Full power and emotion offered. 

O God, please help me. O Goddess, please help me....over and over, all day and night.

Still weeping continuously within and without. 

She only....saw me and knew me to the depth of my soul. She only....loved me unconditionally in this life. Now I am ruined, fully in the realm of, and dependent on, divine grace. 

She is everywhere, but my hand longs for her touch. I can only touch the drum that she too played on. 

How can I make this passage?  

Arunachala Has Always Been Her Home

This is all I can say as the words come to form in their own time. For now, one small instant in this eternal mystery......

 
I thought my work was to come here to try to find her,
and then to love her,
and that that love would
be strong enough to overcome the forces that sought to deny the world of
her divine gifts and her divine presence

I feel as though I've fallen into a hallucinatory dimension of one's worst
imaginable nightmares. It doesn't feel like reality any more. I'm not in the same
creation. Thinking I was not disciplined enough, not remembering enough, not
impeccable. Although the words ring in my mind - her saying I "was perfect",
just before she turned irrevocably inward, not to re-emerge, despite my desperate
pleading with the angels and all divine beings

In the first days of our being together our love went nova.
In wonder and awe, we shared/felt/whispered our remembrance.
We have waited eons and yugas, but never forgot
and, we are finally here, together
to hold and cherish and maintain this sacred love
to heal, to create ever more exquisite beauty
in the world.
There was never any question of what we were serving.
With her natural Virgo nature and power, she surrendered wholly
to this holy service,
and worked, sometimes silently, sometimes roaring
to share this highest calling with all those around her.

Maybe I failed to remind her enough, of her divine goddess nature,
and she often was reluctant to accept the fullness
of what I could unquestioningly see with my own eyes.
I never felt like being insistent, since I knew she was coming and would come to know
in herself her own true nature, as one can only do.
So now she knows,
and I am on this side of the veil, a mad-man,
like Shiva dancing the tandava dance.

What do the angels want me to know?

Shivo hum Parvo hum  

OneLove Healing Prayers for Our World

When the sun within speaks, 
when love reaches out its hand
and places it upon another,

any power the stars and planets
might have upon us,

any fears you can muster can
become so rightfully insignificant.

What one heart can do for
another heart, is there any beauty
in the world that can match this?

- Hafiz (1320-1389)

Gregory Colbert - "Ashes and Snow"

As reported on Winter Solstice, an Argentine appeals court ruled the 29-year-old Sumatran orangutan, Sandra, to be a "non-human person unlawfully deprived of it's her freedom", with legal rights, specifically to not be subjected to imprisonment in the zoo where she has been held for 20 years. A sanctuary is ready to receive her. Need we say more? Didn't think so.

Our friend from the resident free rabbit tribe greeted us on New Year's Eve - so handsome with his/her winter coat:


























And, after 6+ months, our hibiscus flowered on New Year's Day! 

We took that as an auspicious omen of Ma Kali's/Kwan Yin's divine grace.
And, bringin' it all back home..Situation here on the home front had recently gotten pretty emotionally intense. Some good and powerful angelic messages closely followed by a sudden symptomatic crisis found my beloved at 3am (with me) in the ER between the holidays.

I guess in the grand scheme of things, what we're dealing with is probably not so different from what a lot of the Love Tribe of true human beings around the planet are facing.  Life and death issues.
I have this friend/partner/spirit-companion who, previously unbeknownst to me, happens to be one of the most astonishing hidden contemporary mystic bhakti poet/writers I have ever read, seen, or heard. A year and a half after meeting, I became the first person ever to whom was shown her work. Hell, I thought she was just a super present, intelligent, spiritual young lady, who by some crazy stroke of luck I had the privilege to be with for a moment. Her talents are numerous, and still awakening. We inhabit a world of continuously expanding mutual respect, love, and shared re-membering, which I can't even begin to describe. Each new day is an absolute blessing and miracle. 
We have been managing (for last 14 months) a situation that requires utmost attention to diet, pure medicine, energy, spiritual practice, and other considerations in order to continue to stay alive here in this crucial time of the current Yuga. Neither are we fearful of the inevitable event of our transitioning, whenever that time might come. But that appears not to be our determination as to "when". 

So the medical-industrial-complex white-coated 'experts', seriously, sadly, with long faces, inform us that if she declines to take their chemo-rad poison (which 10-years previously precipitated the situation), they will now refer us to the hospice org. so that they can begin to "manage" the surely impending death with their morphine and all, and "help" us with necessary paper-work and preparations. So "go on home and die". Get the picture?
[Fortunately, she's not 17, like the girl who recently got tied down and forcibly given chemo by the 'child-protective' legal system.]

Changes have been made in our protocols in last couple weeks, and we are seeing positive results. We have also felt the outpouring of prayers and spiritual support being directed our way, and are immensely grateful. 
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, as you are able.

This healing is no different from the healing which we all need to engage in, for all the sufferers and holy beings desiring to free our world from the depredations of the parasites and predators who have ravaged our bodies and the Earth simultaneously. 

A healing peace prayer by an extraordinary Nepali woman Buddhist nun:

 
Her awesome life story is briefly described in this review of her new autobiographical book, Singing for Freedom.

            

Solstice Love

Sending out some Solstice blessings, felicitations, and big ups to all who come here, all beings known and unknown, of all forms and formless, in this precious world. 

Whether one thinks of this moment in astrological terms, as a primitive religious concept, a designated celebratory date of the 'evil ones', or just another day of no consequence, you might just, with a little research, be able to grasp the auspiciousness of a marked turning-point in one of the major cycles of motion taking place perpetually in our reality matrix of intimately-connected-movement-and-time, an unceasing, defining quality of all that exists. Nothing stands still. All is in motion. And everything is turning. It's where we live.
Today is when the time-keeping clock-hands of the Sun-Earth story-dance cycle strike midnight.
What's not to love?....and celebrate?

This 'year'! This one that just went by....I think the most difficult, personally, of all in my lifetime. Certainly the most stressful, the most mind-wracking, the most crazy-making, and the most faith-testing of any I can remember. 
And the last 4 days of this one were the most intense testing ones of the whole year!!!

Only on this very day - Solstice 2014 - was my mind and remembered self restored fully. 
I feel I can begin again. With certainty of grace and protection renewed. It's been one helluva ride, once again, that terrifying solo descent into and back out of the underworld. 
I'm not alone here, am I right? 

Today's newsflash is: there are angels, in the purest sense, located closer than breath, that are unceasing in their support and protection. Yeah, we freely make those 'choices', for better or worse....Yet one could even say the angels are us. 
Divine work is going on on unimaginable levels and scope. And we, ourselves, are affecting vast numbers of life-forms with every prayer, thought, word, and action, though most of it remains invisible to our mundane awareness. We are not powerless, though we have been made to believe so.

I will say that I am intimately aware of a number of embodied angelic beings with whom I have had encounters in this life, and who continue doing what they do and check-in occasionally (heh). I will not name, describe, nor say any more on this here.
With an open heart and love-expanding perseverance you will meet similar ones in resonance with your own needs. This is assured, though it may seem to take forever.

Now it's 8 hours into the new cycle, and another certainty is that we don't know what will happen next, but let's join in collectively dropping fear, and embracing the unknown in this moment and knowing that Love is the strongest thing in the universe. 
Enjoy the following, put up on this very auspicious day itself - 12/21/14

OK, well...here's a bonus - the debate rages, between the lovers and the scientists...is it tortoise altruism or not, respectively? 
You decide (grin).